I am in such a hard place right now, I don't know what to do. It's about my dog Doc, the furry four legged friend who I use to love so much. Yes, that was past tense and it breaks my heart to admit it. I still love him, just not like I use to. Not like he deserves. I got him as a Christmas gift from James in 2009 during a time when I was really wanting babies but we weren't ready as a couple yet. So for 3 years all that love that I wanted to put towards children was placed on him. He was spoiled rotten, we loved him so much. And I was his person, still am. Which is why this is so hard. I have children now and I will admit it, I have changed. I am stressed out with everything I have to do, Doc has become that extra thing I have to deal with. I can't stand the barking, I use to be able to handle it so much better. I'm constantly tripping over him cause he follows me everywhere, which annoys the heck out of me and I end up yelling at him. When I finally have some alone time and want to relax he climbs all over me and all I want is space so I shoo him away. He doesn't deserve any of this, and even though I know that and know he deserves more, I still can't change the fact that I have changed and just don't love him the same. One of the biggest struggles are fleas. They are rampant here and just gross me out so much. They stress me out hardcore, Doc never had them before Missouri (just another reason I hate this place) so that's just another thing for me to deal with. And it's all on me. I do the flea baths, give the flea treatments, spray the rooms with flea spray. James could care less about the fleas, which is another frustration and stress on my end. I just can't handle it anymore!!!!!!!! So my dilemma at hand is what to do with Doc. He just deserves better. I've been debating for a while now about finding him a new home, and deep down I feel like it's the right thing to do, but at the same time I feel this profound sense of guilt. How could I ever do that?! I had a conversation once with a friend who talked about her friend giving her dog up after having kids and I thought that was just horrible! I swore I would never do that. I would never be that person. And here I am. And then I wonder, once he was gone would I really feel any better? Would I just beat myself up everyday about giving him away? Kicking him to the curb. Rejecting him. Ugh. Just so dang hard.
If there's anyone who has struggled with this as well and has any advice to give, I would really appreciate it. I need all the help I can get right now.